I wrote this post as a reminder of demotivating internal and external factors which may cause us delays in reaching our targets and wasting time and resources either in our personal livers or at work. I figured if I took notes of these I would discover some analogies and hypothetical solutions for each factor, I would find it easier to deal with demotivating situations when they occur.
In a capitalist, hectic, monopolized society less and less people succeed in keeping up with the momentum without being affected mentally.Therefore I wanted to share my findings with you. The following list describes what happens with our brain and emotions in those demotivating days and how to attack the situation.
In hopes of us sharing feelings about this, I will remind you of those mornings when you come out of the bathroom and feel like crawling back in bed because of the amount of work waiting for you to complete. The opposite of that is when you wake up with the biggest appetite of getting on with completely different activities except the ones that truly matter. I think it`s funny when your chakra for cleaning opens at the most inappropriate moments in the day and you start scrubbing places you never knew existed in your house; or that moment when you look at your pet and imagine they are demanding a bath and a full grooming session.
The first and most important reason I found was fear
As humans when we are afraid we create a system of defence in order to protect our emotions from going over the borderline. Then we pursue more of what makes us happy and avoid those things that generate emotional discomfort. There are different reasons and situations that trigger fear, but the one kind that I mainly want to focus on today is the fear of rejection. The reason why you don`t apply for that job or you don`t call the girl you like is because:
- You don’t feel worthy or you don`t feel as special as you put it out to family and friends in order to deserve it.
- You are afraid you will be rejected.
Yes, it hurts when that happens! Why would you put yourself through that for no reason? Why would you volunteer for the “stomach drop, goose pumps, cold back, heart skips a beat” feeling when you hear: “Ever so sorry, but you are not quite what we are looking for”- Quite?? Or “Sorry mate, not this time”. You`d much rather dig yourself a hole in the ground to crawl in than experience that. You are safe in there, no one knows your secrets and desires. They can`t call you weak because they don`t know you want it or that you are capable of more.
What do you think? Does that sound “cowardish”? It truly does, unfortunately. If fear was your enemy, I would advise to make friends with it today. The process of writing down the reasons of being scared it led me to the solutions of the problem. Embrace the feeling of fear as it opens up more avenues for you to explore and find new potential outcomes. Additionally, you should think of when you were a child and you were fearless. I find the older I am, the more scared I get, especially of highs. Also, what helps me a lot is to write down a “What is the worst that can happen?” list as well.
Use the 5 Whys technique when writing down your reasons.
Word of mouth
The word of mouth could be quite demotivating, especially if it`s coming from people you value such as family and close friends as well as opinions of professionals in your industry or people you work for. What I`ve always tried to do in this situation was to prove them wrong. Constructive criticism gives me more of a kick and buzz than compliments do. I feel privileged for people having used their breath to give me feedback. When they talk down on you or they make any kind of negative comments, imagine them in a nappy. Yes, that`s right! We`ve all been there. They were not born with all the knowledge they possess today. That will help you distress, compose and do better. Check out the following guide on how to receive constructive criticism.
As people, we are social beings
We function at our best in teams, in communities because we are naturally inclined towards helping, competing against, communicating, interconnecting and feeding off each other’s energy.
Loneliness is not organic, nor ordinary. You don`t feel the need to be wealthy or go on luxury cruise holidays if you don`t have anyone to go with. You don`t feel like losing weight as there is no one new to impress, you are already in a long-term relationship. In these situations I advise you keep positive and stay open to new challenges, seek excitement and open your spiritual chakras in order to allow energy to run seamlessly through your body. People can sense and feel attracted to positive energy. Have you ever walked down the street and you saw someone glowing, almost like they were walking in slow motion and you did not know why you were drawn to them, but you felt slightly jealous and spellbound of their awesomeness? It`s all energy, don`t block it – acknowledge it and let it flow. Think about wild animals when they are alone. For thousands of years animals have followed the normal course of life and gave us a lot to observe and learn from. They are fine.
We all say we don`t have time to do the things we love/must, whether it`s making it to gym after a long day at work, or having to prepare packed lunches for the kids in the morning instead of practicing mindfulness for ten minutes for example. In this case I would suggest better time management and sacrifice of other insignificant activities throughout the day that don`t benefit you, or even allocating some of your chores to your partner as you do. Try this productivity quiz to evaluate how you perform and what suggestions experts have found to work depending on your score. It`s a lot of fun!
5. Setting the wrong goal can definitely trigger set backs in anyone`s progession.
There are a multitude of reasons why something not suitable for you and which it does not mould to your personality it will not only stop you from achieving anything in that direction, but also stop you from trying. I cannot stress enough on how important it is to choose a suitable career for you depending on your personality, future plans, location, being able to commute there and depending on the time you want to invest in it throughout.
6. Know what you want and where to find it before you start!
I have two rules for almost anything that comes my way that I follow essentially. First is being aware of what the final product truly is to make sure it`s what I want and the second is research, a lot of research. If you go to the corner shop to buy yourself cigarettes you know how long it will take you to get there, you have a rough idea of how cold it is outside and what to wear, you know how much money you need, you are aware that you might have to queue for about three minutes to be served and you might meet someone you had not seen in a while on your way there. That is why you leave home confident and relaxed. If you plan on going shopping for Christmas decorations and you want to go to a shop someone recommended in the next town you will need to do a bit of research. You will make sure you look up the postcode for your Tom Tom and check opening times on a Sunday as it`s your only day off. If you follow these basic two rules I`ve explained you can diminish the chances of facing a disappointing situation drastically.
7. Do you enjoy doing 1000+ pieces puzzles?
I absolutely love them. I`m sure you had a moment of “puzzle brightness” when you were unbeatable and found piece after piece in no time. That is most likely because you separated the same colour pieces and started by putting the boarders together first. Structure, planning and organising are the key to success. Most of the times you give up is because you never knew which direction you were heading to in the first place. If someone runs through a dark foggy forest in a horror movie they will stop at some point and look around confused regardless of how scared they are. I am not sure how I got from puzzles to horror movies, but I am sure you got my point. Good planning will include realistic and achievable timescales to measure progression and keep things moving. Don`t forget, unexpected situations do happen so you must be mentally ready to deal with detours and miss some deadlines without facing demotivating vibes. In the end you can`t say “things did not go as planned” because you were prepared for it. If you don`t appreciate small steps and you want to fly to your destination than you have to work harder to buy yourself a jet. I am starting to be a believer that great things do come in small packages.
8. Linked to the point above I will say that you may find it demotivating when things do not advance as planned because you are a perfectionist.
www.health.comYou don`t appreciate things done half way which is not a bad thing at all, I must stress. However, you have to understand that with time and practice things always get better. The virtue of patience and perseverance will help you push through even if you feel it`s a waste of time. When a brick in always a slightly different colour in the structure of your new house, it won`t bother you because it`s still part of the structure and it contributes to preventing the house from falling, it gives it strength and stability. Take this test and see if you are a perfectionist.
9. Lastly, the level of challenge might have an impact on how you approach a task.
Sometimes you feel defeated and intimidated by it before you even try. However, if you follow all the steps presented above there are more chances for you to push through and achieve it. Sometimes you feel like it`s not worth trying because it`s not inspiring enough, it`s a waste of your time as you don`t learn from it. I went to loads of lectures at university and felt like I wasted my afternoons because what I was listing to would have no applicability in real life and I would not be interested to partake into any group activities related to those courses. That was because I did not understand it, I was immature and I was not open to that subject because I could not see beyond a certain perimeter. I guess it`s “never say never”.
I will finish by saying never give up on your dreams because that is what makes you a winner, the fact that you kept going and saw the finish line. Also, whenever you feel like this way exercising is always useful for clearing your mind and putting things in perspective again. I need a good one hour swimming or a yoga class for my whole attitude to change. If you have a forest near by, go out and photograph the trees changing their leaves in beautiful warm autumn colours while the dog is running around, take the baby out in the playing area and laugh watching him fall off, do something you love, scribble a portrait, start paining, take your roller blades for spin and life will have a whole different look. I hope you enjoyed this post, let me know what you want me to write about next and please leave some feedback below, I wish to get better and better so any suggestions are much appreciated.
Ta, ta 🙂
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